How to Cook "Goblins Brains" - A Recipe for Disaster
A Recipe for Disaster...
U know ma fav fing in da whole wide Waaaagh is? To put ma feet up on a nice fat stuntie after a long day of killin, an eat up a good bowl of Goblinz Brainz.
Attributed to Orc Boss Dork Smashemzgud, after the siege of Karak Norn.
Well?! Wat is Diz Goblins Brainz Den?
Well... "Goblins Brains" or "Cervelli dalla pelle verde" in Tilean is basically a kind of corned beef hash but with pasta and not tatties.
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| 'actual goblins brain out of shot" |
Da Ingreedeentz
You will need to go down to your local market and pick up the following:
- Onions (1 Bag of "Bretonnia's Finest")
- Corned Beef (1 Tin of the finest corned "beef" you can afford)
- Sweetcorn (1 Large Tin in water, gotta watch your sodium boyz)
- Baked Beans (The family size four pack, that's the only way to buy beans!)
- 1 Bag of your Favourite Pasta, we tend to use twirls or farfalle - Did you know, "Farfalle" means Butterfly in Tilean - one for the ladies that one.
- Tomato Ketchup (Heinz) - Da Green Won Iz DA BEST!!!
- Salt and Black Pepper to taste
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| Its worth noting when the mad Orc Chef "Big Robbo - da Elf Muncher" created this veritable feast, he used the now hard to come by Heinz Green Sauce, which is just green Tomato Sauce, but as Mad Robbo used to say, "Dis Addz da Extra Gobbo Flavorz!" He used to say this of course, as he was “evaporated” during an experiment with his new invention of chilli-squiggling stew, the resulting tremors were recorded in the imperial college in Altdorf, and wrongly attributed to Dwarf mining operations... |
TIP: The Orc-adjudikator also notes - I add a red pepper and peas in too for some extra wizbang. The key is tonnes of Tommy K
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Crystal Codes for Element Games RIC134 or ROB8508 |
"Da Process"
- Heat a large amount of water in the kettle and once boiled add to a large saucepan. Add a pitch of salt and your pasta. The amount of pasta is up to you, but we would usually batch cook for several of us playing games long into the night, and so we would generally empty a 500g packet of Farfalle into the large "cauldron" belonging to the Druchii hag Queen “Mrs Gildoren”.
- While you boil the pasta you can start prepping your other ingredients. chop up your onion in 1cm chunks. Half an onion per person is probably a good start. if you are adding in the Ork-adjudikators peppers you want to chop these bad boys up here too.
- Next up "pour" the corned beef out onto a chopping board and chop it into slices roughly half a centimetre thick. This will help it break up easier when you start to burn it..
- Heat up a large pan and add the onions to a little oil, cook for 3-4 minutes until browned off and soft. Then add your corned beef and break it up and "dissolve". this should break up in a few minutes and make sure its thoroughly warmed through.
- Once the pasta is done, strain it out and add it to the large warm pan, stir it into the mixture, and add the rest of the ingredients (sweetcorn, beans, peppers and sauce) give it a good few minutes on a medium heat while you stir everything together.
- OK, you want to add the tomato sauce directly into the pot at this point, give it a bit of time to "mature".
- Decant - add salt and pepper to taste and MUNCH!
Once thoroughly cooked (employ a "testing squig" if in any doubt about its volatility) mix in da pasta and hey presto you got your goblins brains...
👌
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"Da Enjoyin'"
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| sit back and much with your favourite tipple (Bugman's XXXXX would be my suggestion, but the Orc-adjudicator suggests a nice jar of freshly tapped lukewarm Boggin' Boggiejoose, or as we know it in the Empire "Mountain Dew"). |
PLEASE NOTE: TABLETOP HOBBY is not responsible for any un savoury or unhelpful aftereffects such as "gut rot" "skitterleap" Gorks War Horn" "The FIST of Mork" "Dragon's Backfire" "The Battle of Backfire Pass" "soggy-Squig-shot" or indeed a "Code Brown" incident of any sort, Tabletop Hobby is also not responsible for the aftereffects of the aftereffects, including but not limited to global emissions rises, divorce, incurred laundry bills, threats or actual bodily harm from loved ones...
You did this to yourself!
Thanks and Good Luck!
Gildoren, The Fat Dwarf and Tabletop Hobbit
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| Crystal Codes for Element Games RIC134 or ROB8508 |
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